The way it sarted...As amazing as this sounds, up until 2.5 years ago I would have never gone to a transgender conference. I was living stealth, a free lance make up artist who had enough clients that I did not worry about money. I was blessed to be able to travel with my clients, have fun, party and get paid. I even had a man in my life. Looking back I was very un-happy. But back then I felt it was great. Everything changed when i went to FanFair a few years back with a cross dresser client who needed make up. Now me coming from the central Florida area, I had a very negative opinion of trannys. They were bitchy and trying too hard to "pass" with silicone and breast implants and way too much make up. I felt most girls down there were just caricatures of what a woman is "supposed" to be. So basically I was in Ptown for the money and martinis.
And then my life changed with in hours of being there. I looked into this person’s eye and I knew. It was amazing and scary and I loved it. My man kept calling me during the week and I of coarse did not answer. I dived deeply into this new sea of love with complete abandonment. Not caring of the end result. I did take care of my client, but any free moment I had I was with this beautiful creature. I have never been with a woman or a feminine person ever. All my past lovers were either married or very straight and all men [ very fine muscular men i must add]. But this person was "The One". And it was a great week for me and her. We were both a little worried the first night we spent together as I had no idea what was happening downstairs so to speak, and again I have never been with a woman...ever. So i really would not know what to do with ....those body parts...but we made it through somehow. I remember people always saying to me " Do you know who she is?" Well yes, she was Holly. My Holly. But also with that she is also Holly Boswell. Little did I know how that would later effect us.
After she left on that Sunday I was heart broken. And then my phone rang and it was my man. I almost forgot about him, my life, my house and my pet rabbit. But I actually wanted this new vision of love I have never known before. So WOW! I was really going to do this thing. I was going to leave a lot behind to start something new with this amazing stranger.
Flash Forward to now; Well here we are together still. I am more in love and at times amazed by this person. Also living day to day with challenges that we both face. I have achieved some great things for this community and health. I am still new and wet behind the ears. She has been a fixture in trans activism and spirituality. And we both are good with each other doing "The Work" as we call it.
But if anyone thinks it is easy to be with a person who is so educated and so known please think again. It is not easy for her or me because i come from a different background. Holly was born in 1950, me in 1968. I was going to discos with my Mom dressed as her sister [ my Mom always wanted a girl and she had no problem letting me be her baby girl] in 1980 and that is also when Holly was going out in femme mode. But as she is college educated, I left school when I was 16 after getting kicked out by step-mom and fake father]. Holly sees the good in all things while I can see the dark side of things, even welcome the dark side. I always say " I am the light and the dark, the good and the bad, the Ying and the Yang." I have been through some things as we all have.
I seem to be babbling a lot right now because I am amazed at where we are together. No it is not easy for either one of us. But going back to the beginning; I do not know her on a day to day basis, nor have I ever thought it would be easy. We both felt it was right. Now I do not doubt about it being right. Also I am not with her because she is a tranny. We did a workshop last year at a conference about trans on trans partnering. Most people in it said that they had been lonely and who else but a tranny could understand the pain or the issues of transgender. For me, I disagree. I have had relationships with men where I have had to battle over emotional black mail and manipulation. I have had understanding men who did love me. But when I met Holly I wanted her not because we were either trans or that she was Holly Boswell. I am with this person because to me she is just Holly...the ONE for me. jennifer m. barge
Friday, January 29, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Really knowing about being in love...
It is crazy to me right now as I look back. Because over 2 years ago I formed this page because I was partnered for the first time with a trans woman. It was amazing to me because I too am a trans woman and I thought it was a new and different way of being. Again that was over 2 years ago. I now find that I am able to shed some light on my relationship and my love for this wonderful person I call my partner.Of coarse 2 years ago I hated that term "partner" as it made us sound like a law firm. But now I can only see her as my partner, my partner in love and life. But it has not been a easy road..as a matter of fact the road has been painful, even abusive at times. And while I love this person, I also see the flaws of the past in us both. Two years ago I thought this relationship was the newest coolest thing. What I did not know is that this one person and one relationship would change my perception of myself, change my goals and this very relationship has led me to be the person I am today. As the founder and Director of TransHealth Coordinators, the winner of a 2010 Trinity Award,an active board member of so many organizations...I am amazed because 3 years ago i was just a make up artist painting peoples faces. I hope to express many things in this new/old blog that can no longer sit on my "favorites"file growing old and empty...not is the time to speak and voice and communicate with others about what it is to be transgender and to love another transgender person...while also reflecting on life as it comes our way....please continue to tune in and chime in and give me your experiences...jennifer m. barge
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